| |
[Dec. 7th, 2020|11:09 pm] |
 |
|
|
| First entry |
[Jun. 11th, 2010|04:13 pm] |
Everyone in life has a life changing moment where something happens and you end up finding your place in life. This moment can make or break a person and assist them in their journey of life. Sometimes it ends up leading you in a positive direction where your life begins to make sense and you make changes to make sure your living your life to the fullest. Other times this moment will destroy you and you will find yourself picking up the pieces for the rest of your life. This life changing moment occurred for me when I was 16 years old. I will never forget the way I felt when I received that phone call. It was my best friends mother. A woman I have known most of my life so it was not unusual for her to call me. Usually it was her arranging plans for a surprise party for her daughter or even passing on a message to me from her daughter. This time the phone call was completely different. I noticed immediately the tone of voice that she used to speak to me. It was hushed and low as if she was trying to hold back crying on the phone. I panicked immediately wondering what could possibly have this normally strong woman near tears. I didn’t want to think the worse but how could I not? My blood immediately filled with ice and I felt my heart stop. It was then I heard her words. “Amber, she’s dead.” I didn’t have to think about who that person was. The only person she could be referring to was her daughter and my best friend. I dropped the phone at that instant and I fell to the carpeted floor in a heap. She was dead. Those words echoed over and over in my brain but I still did not want to believe it? How could my best friend for most of my life die at such a young age? It made absolutely no sense to me why this was happening. To this day, it still makes absolutely no sense to me.
I will never forget how I felt when I walked to the grave site with my arm wrapped around her mothers. We cried with each other, neither of us wanting to say a word. Sure, she had her husband and I had my family but we wanted to rely on each other. She wanted to love and support me because I was now the only “daughter” she had. When that coffin lowered into the ground, I felt my knees weaken and instantly, I wanted to be the one lowered in the ground. I didn’t want such a beautiful, intelligent, special woman to lose her life when I was still alive. This girl had such a bright future, she was the light of everyone’s life, including mine and watching that coffin that held her being lowered into the ground killed me. From that day forward, I vowed that I would live each day to its fullest and I would make an impact on this world like my best friend did on me. As everyone who has lost someone close to them knows, it changes everything in your life and it makes you see things in a different light. Since that day, I have made a ton of changes in my life. I changed my career goal from modeling to acting. I went from being a devout catholic to an atheist. (Please don’t hate me for my beliefs) and I have started living each day to its fullest.
I used to worry about what people thought of me and that hindered what I did. I was raised catholic and I attended a catholic school. That way of life was everything that I have known. Unfortunately, when my best friend passed away, I began questioning that view. I could not understand why if there was a god, why my best friend was gone at 16. However, now that I am older and much more mature, my view on religion is much different and much more refined. Shortly after my best friend passed, I met my first real boyfriend and he changed my views on a lot of things. He taught me the works of an atheist author that changed my life. I don’t knock anyone else for what they believe in but I also want the same respect. I live my life in a way that I seem fit and if that makes me a bad person, then so be it. I don’t think anyone else can look down on me just because I believe in making my own rules and being my own person. One thing I have definitely learned is that life is very short and it could end in a blink of an eye. I refuse to have any regrets in my life and so far, I can honestly say I do not.
Now that I have discussed some of the most important things that have occurred in my life, I guess it’s time I finally talk about my career and what is going on in my life now. I made the change from a model to an actress for a very good reason. Modeling for me was not something I typically enjoyed. Some people love it and it fills their life with excitement but for me? Well, it just was not my forte. I left modeling for the acting world and it was the best thing I ever have done. Acting is something I absolutely love even though I have difficulties finding the best roles for a woman like me. As much as I hate to say this but I constantly find myself in roles of young woman who are sultry, slutty, needy, array and well, unstable. I know right now that’s just the roles that I am going to find myself obtaining but I hope as I get older and I begin to make a name for myself, I will find myself having roles that make a difference. I have made it very known that my idol is Angelina Jolie. I think she is beautiful and amazingly talented. She has made a name for herself not only because she is beautiful but because she is a giving, worldly, loving, talented woman. The way she thrusts herself in every role she takes is an absolute pleasure to watch. I marvel at her and I can only hope one of these days I can make a difference like she has.
Another thing that I am not open about is my private life. I don’t speak about relationships or people I am or not dating. I don’t put myself out there for the paparazzi to smash and to destroy. I have no desire to have paparazzi following me, writing dirty, false, mean things about me so I stay out of the publics eye. I don’t attend the glitzy clubs, and the glamorous stores. The only thing that I attend is award shows but I try to be classy and not give the media a chance to walk all over me. I would rather live my life privately, enjoy my career and live each day to its fullest. Now as far as relationships are concerned, I am not currently dating anyone and if I was, I would not be telling everyone about it. I would rather keep something’s private because in this day and age, very little is private. Anyways, I am off for now. I have a meeting with my agent and a few publicity shoots to do. Take care.
Current Mood: amused |
|
|